To Whom It May Concern:

I had a sudden striking thought the other day which could greatly affect the way we all look at the universe. And it is this:

• If there is a God, he sure is getting lax on the smiting.

What the fuck? Why no more fire and brimstone? Back in the good old days there were people being turned into pillars of salt and fucking angels being cast down from heaven and men and women being driven from gardens and all kinds of God-administered destruction. Fucking Sodom and Gomorrah! The Great Flood! Those were big fucking events! God was pissed, so He destroyed a few million people (allegedly).

But not any more. You just don't see the kind of hands-on ruling like you used to. No one gets destroyed by plagues anymore. It's really no fun. If you're out there God, you had better wipe out a small country soon or I'm going to do it my damn self. Two words: Deep Impact. You've seen the movie? Make it happen.

I have no ending for this, so I take a small bow.

- Scott Clayton (holds the key to the Universe)