But The Trees Are Our Friends!

Do you know what I can't stand? (Well, if you're a regular reader, you can list quite a few things) But, specifically, I can't stand nature-loving dickweeds and their all-natural food rave. I don't want food grown naturally in Cambodia without pesticides or growth hormones. I want my fucking potatos grown in an American lab somewhere in New Mexico, injected with it's weight in hormones, and hosed down daily with pesticides. I want it to be twice as big as a normal potato, and fucking delicious. I'm tired of all these freaking hippies trying to stop genetic "fucking-around-with" of foods. Animals especially. I don't care if you have to shoot a cow with fucking gamma-rays, I want the best f-ing steak science can buy. Anyone who's afraid to eat fish grown in a tank because they might get cancer is a asswipe. Do you know what else you can get cancer from? Cell phones (supposedly, I doubt it), the sun, car exhaust. Let's live in a fucking hole in the ground and never come out, eh? As for the rest of you, who only buy from the "organic" aisle, you are all a bunch of asscrackers. All food is organic, otherwise it wouldn't be food. Metal - inorganic; plastic - inorganic; essentially anything that contains carbon - organic. See how that works? And you can read this, from my friend Dick Taverne. He knows what is really going on.


- Secretary of War Scott Clayton