Truly We Are The Bearers Of Freedom

Just a few random (yet incredibly important) thoughts:

• You know that feeling you get when you finish a box of Kellogg's Frosted Mini Wheats and there's all that sugary, delicious debris at the bottom? And there's just about enough left for a bowl, but it's in the disintegrated, unusable form? How bad do you feel throwing out something so delicious, just because it's not whole anymore? Yeah, it's tough. We'll work through it together. You're welcome.

• We need to clone Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Single greatest president ever. He literally said, "Economic downturn? Fuck that!" He made that Great Depression his bitch. Not to mention the fact that he was just an all-around bad mothafucka. Bring him back to life, make him king of the world.

P.S. This is my greatest Paint masterpiece since the stingray. Click it for a heavy dose of Freedom. You're welcome.

• Good news, TAP lovers. Now you, too, can help to spread the good word of our greatness. possibly the greatest piece of clothing ever created, these high-quality shirts were created by myself. Not to mention the fact that they guarantee you insane amounts of ass. Really, it's astonishing, the level of women who will agree to have sex with you just because of this. However, if you are a woman who recognizes our greatness, please feel free to wear this. And then marry me. But anyway, you're welcome.

http://dyo.customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=spartacus891%40yahoo.com&F=ta

• There are several new up-and-coming blogs I would like to cite as true Penguin-quality nighas. Firstly, B Park's Random Ramblings. This man is a scholar and a gentleman, however, he will not hesitate to fuck some mothafuckas up. Secondly, the new view that will revolutionize sports and possibly all of Canada, SportBanter. It's just "ballin'" Although I'm not really sure what that means. Then, I must recommend Application Scientific. These guys singlehandedly saved my laptop and sanity. Well done, men. Finally, a site for all the true Ninjas out there, BeatBoxGiant, home of "Ask A Ninja". If you don't love this, I will be forced to destroy you. You're welcome.

• Let me say this: TAP deserves some sort of award. Look at the treasures we have brought to you over the years. Honor us and you will be recognized. You're welcome.

- The Honorable Scott Clayton

Better Than The Truth, Yet Again...

Ladies and getlemen of the world, we here at The Angry Penguin are proud to bring you yet another year of chaos. As this November 19th was the second annual observance of the founding of TAP, we are exceptionally honored as you recognize our greatness with parades, parties, orgies, mass exoduses, pinatas, national holidays, riots, cupcakes, nudity, or the celebratory ritual of your choosing. Donations are welcome - money, watches, fine clothing or spices, gold bullion, girlfriends are all acceptable. Will may also be accepting human souls, check with him.


Oh, and for the record, you're welcome.


- Scott "The Legend Continues" Clayton