Tonight, We Dine In Hell...

Firstly, let me just inform you that, upon the initial writings of this post, I just saw 300. And by just, I mean that approximately two hours ago I was watching King Leonidas slay the alleged "immortals" on a plain of dirt and blood. It was insanely good, ridiculously awesome, and utterly masculine. I really do have a bloodlust now. But while I was watching, and even now, I was struck by the ultimate badassness of a figure like Leonidas. Then, I realized that there are several things which specifically make someone like that so badass:

• The Apple - This was the first item I noticed. As Leonidas eats an apple after an extremely wicked battle, he spouts plenty of trash-talk. The apple is a symbol of carelessness and complete contempt for your opponent. "Look at me, I am so fuckin' bad that I am going to consume this piece of fruit right now, without worry." In settings outside of battle, the apple again makes you seem more hardcore, whatever you're doing. Discovering a new form of cold fusion? Eating an apple whilst explaining your invention makes you seem infinitely more badass. Interviewing a murder suspect? The apple strikes again, demonstrating a certain wantonness and ennui which just amplifies your badassness. I'm going to start carrying this extreme fruit wherever I go. I suggest you do the same.

• The Eye Scar - While battling a sort of Persian giant, Leonidas nearly loses his eye, resulting in an ultra-cool wound from his left brow, over his eye, and down to his left cheek. This only results in a magnification of his masculinity and ultimate attitude.

• Slow Motion - Everything is cooler in slow motion. I repeat, everything. Plus, destroying persons or things is possibly the greatest act that can happen in slow motion. This makes it indefinitely more badass than normal, which, we can say, is a substantial amount.

• Oration - It's truly the ability to deliver an inspiring/meaningful speech at just about any time that makes a man like that so cool. Oh, we have to face an army several hundred times larger than our own? That's no problem, because I can produce an engaging, thrilling oration on the spot. Death, honor, glory - all topics that should be covered. Get everybody fueled.

Now, take careful time to consider all of these things... then go out, and DESTROY!



- Scott Clayton (This is his profession.)